Chapter 2: This Little Piggy
Part 1:
Even though their first attempt to summon the Evil Loa failed and they somehow called a Vinebeast to attack the crowd at the Exit/In, Wüden left the venue with hope for a second chance, they were dead set on accomplishing their individual goals; Dingo wanted to search for his child, DC needed to repair the damage done to his Satellite, and Scufflemöss wanted to make amends for summoning the spirit that brought about everyone's problems. They loaded their gear into DC’s Space Camaro, and hung out to listen to The Mad Gear play nostalgic video game covers, and enjoy one of Daddy Cat's catnip joints behind the Elliston Place venue. Midway through the final song, an alarm started beeping inside DC’s Camaro; his ears pricked up and his whiskers twitched. “Shit,” DC said under his breath, “they found me.” “What’s new pussycat?” Scufflemöss asked. “Pharmwellian Space Pigs.” DC responded, taking another drag from his catnip joint. “They along with the 'Queen' enslaved my home planet, they tried to control everyone with potent drugs, in order to keep them from rising up against them, I interrupted their plans and disbanded the hierarchy on Pharmwellia, but there are still rogue cells out for revenge, looks like one caught up to me.” “Sounds familiar...” Dingo commented. “We’re not too far off, your government has been trying to do it for years, the only difference is the Pigs from my Planet have Acid Rays.” DC said. “Like they melt your face off or something?” Scufflemöss asked. “More like melt your brain from the inside out.” DC put out the joint and exhaled, “Get in the Camaro, we need to make tracks, and get to higher ground.” A light flashed in the Nashville sky and a comet sailed through the atmosphere followed by a long, bright green tail. DC pointed at the comet falling to Earth, “The Pharma Pigs are here...” |
Part 2:
“So, where exactly are we going?” Scufflemöss asked. Wüden Boi had piled into Daddy Cat’s Space Camaro and took to the busy Nashville streets after they saw the Pharmwellian Space Pigs craft break through the atmosphere earlier that night. “We just need to put some distance between us and the Pigs until I can formulate a plan. How the Hell did they track me to Earth?” DC Grumbled, “it takes 30 Earth years to get from Pharmwellia to this planet without using a warp drive; and even then your coordinates need to be exact or you’ll crash into the sun.” “Hey, it wasn’t me this time. I take responsibility for the Evil Loa, but Pigs, nope, not Scufflemöss.” The Troll debated. “No, this has to be something else,” DC reassured, “I can’t know for sure until I get back to my Satellite in Earth's orbit, I can run some simulations to figure out how they found me.” Flurpis chuckled “Maybe they’re here for a pit stop, I could use one. The sushi we ate earlier is trying to make its way to the ocean.” “Dude, clench your holes, it’s kinda a small seat back here already.” Scufflemöss pleaded. Dingo gave a chuckle then added, “We could always just go back to The Hollow Tree and wait for the Pigs to leave. No cell reception, and no one around for miles; we’ll be safe there for months.” “True, but we had to leave the Camaro behind last time, they will probably find and destroy it, leaving me Earthbound for good.” DC replied. “Only thing worse than that is being under the Pigs control, nothing is worse than that.” A little red light began flashing and beeping on the center console. “Except for maybe that...” DC growled. |
Part 3:
“Hand me the second wrench from the right.” Daddy Cat ordered Flurpis from underneath the steaming Space Camaro; something had indeed gone wrong with their sole mode of transportation and it wasn’t an easy fix. “My right or your right?” Flurpis scratched his head and counted the various tools strewn on the dirt floor; “How’s this one?”, he picked a random tool from the ground and passed it to DC. “Uh, I said second from the right... oh wait, no, it fits.” DC shrugged and went back to work under his spacecraft. “Guess sometimes my luck ain’t so shit after all.” Flurpis chuckled and swung his arms in a rocking motion. “It sound like you und your child were very close, Dingo. We’re going to get’em back, Scufflemöss swear it.” The Troll, Shamen, and Birdman had been discussing their quest while DC worked; they had been stranded throughout most of the night, and the sky was beginning to show first light, they would have to get going soon if they were going to evade the Alien Pharmwellian Space Police. “It’s going to be tough, the Vinebeast was a very difficult foe.” Zopi added. “First thing we need to do is get out of here, we’re too exposed. I don’t like this.” Dingo stood and stretched his back. “I still think we need to go back to the The Hollow Tree, it’s safe there.” “Hmmm, Exposed...HoHoHo... you know those old cartoons, like the Looney Tunes.” Scufflemöss chortled. “Looney Tunes.” Zopi mimicked back to the Troll. “No, not really.” Dingo responded. “Well, sometimes, the sexy cartoon ladies would hike their skirt up to hitchhike when they had broken car.” Scufflemöss Continued, “What if you show your legs? Hike your skirt up! Let’s hitchhike!” The Troll laughed. “It’s a Kilt...” Dingo bit back and walked away towards the empty road. “Oh no, Scufflemöss didn’t mean to offend.” The Troll stood up to go after the shamen. “It was jo...” He stopped short. Dingo was already at the side of the road holding the front of his Kilt up. He turned his head and looked at Scufflemöss, “What? I didn’t say it was a bad idea.” |
Part 4
The sun had already started peaking over the horizon when Daddy Cat screwed the last bolt back into place under the chassis of his Space Camaro; it took all night but he finally got it back to purring like a kitten. He rolled out from under the vehicle and met Flurpis who was patiently waiting with the toolbox; the others were by the road, Dingo had been flashing cars as they passed, but to no avail. “Are you guys ready to roll?” DC asked, wiping his paws on his fur. “Yeah, I’m not getting any bites out here.” Dingo replied and smoothed out the wrinkles on his kilt, “so far there’s been three people who flipped me off, a hand full of death threats, and a cigarette burn from someone tossing a lit butt at me.” “Und don’t forget the barrage of curse words.” Scufflemöss interjected. “That too... been called every name under the sun in less than an hour.” Dingo shrugged, “it’s gotta be a new record or something.” “I’d imagine humans aren’t too keen on being flashed at 6 AM...” DC shook his head, “well the Camaro is fixed, let’s get moving, we’ve lost too much time being stranded out here.” The group started back to the Space Camaro, when Flurpis stopped and pointed down the road. “Something is coming.” He said “Cars have been passing by for the last two hours, it’s another vehicle.” Zopi commented. “This doesn’t sound like a car. I don’t hear tires on the road.” Flurpis cupped his hand to his ear. “It sounds like an engine, but with a high pitched whine.” “That would be a Class B Gravity Converter, the Pigs would probably have one in their ship for long range space travel.” DC picked up his pace and entered the Camaro with haste. “We have to go, NOW!!” The rest of the group stepped in line and hurried to the Space Camaro; they piled inside, and as soon as the door closed, DC put his paw to the metal and sped back on to the road kicking up dust as they went. “Where to then?” Dingo asked from the passenger seat. “There’s still the Hollow Tree.” “Lewisburg is too far away, we need to find a place to defend ourselves, we have less than 15 minutes before the Pigs are on top of us.” DC said while lighting up a catnip joint... |
Part 5:
The Space Camaro sped down the road with Wüden inside, perilously trying to get ahead of the Pharmwellian Space Police. “If we can’t go back to the city and Lewisburg is too far, where can we go?” Dingo exclaimed. “I’m with you, Dingo, Scufflemöss say we go to the forest. We have home field advantage with the trees around. We can get the jump on the Pigs like Zopi did with the Vinebeast.” Scufflemöss added. Daddy Cat glanced behind to look at the Troll, “I’ve fought these things before, trees won’t matter to them. We have to get them to a place with walls, a bottleneck strategy is the only thing that has worked on them in the past.” DC turned forward again. “We need an abandoned building. Somewhere where humans won’t see us fight.” “What about my old home?” Flurpis asked, “no one was ever there anyway, and I don’t care what happens to it.” “Is it far from here?” DC asked. “I don’t know, my sense of direction is shitty.” Flurpis replied. A collective sigh ran through the vehicle. The radar screen in the center console was beeping loudly and more frequently, showing a fast approaching object from the rear, their time was running short and Wüden was about to enter into a high speed chase with an alien craft without a plan. “Does the building have to be abandoned?” Zopi asked in his heavy Russian accent. “Could we maybe evacuate another occupied building?” “It wouldn’t be too hard to get people to run from us. I mean it sounds like a joke; a bird, a Troll, and a man sized cat walk into a grocery store. Hahaha” Dingo laughed. “Ya know, that just might work.” DC snapped his paws, “Grocery stores have aisles that we could use to our advantage, we would have ample spots to set up an ambush, and the pigs would be in unfamiliar territory.” “UND THEY HAVE BUN!!!” Scufflemöss shouted. “I’m in!” “Grocery stores,” Flurpis began, “never been to one before. Are they gross?” “Depends on the store, if it’s a Walmart, then yeah, it’s gross.” Dingo chuckled “Well boys,” DC tapped rapidly on his console and the engine began to whirl loudly, he smirked and tightened his grip on the drivers wheel. “Buckle up, let’s go shopping.” |
Part 6:
From inside the cockpit of their Class-B Space Transport, a pair of pig-like creatures moved about over blinking panels with unearthly instruments and dials, squealing and grunting in a strange dialect. They had traveled light years upon light years to come to the verdant mud ball called Earth, with orders from the Queen of Pharmwellia to retrieve the one named Daddy Cat. They had been searching for some time on countless planets across the galaxy, leaving millions of enslaved minds in their wake; but still no intergalactic Cat-man in their brig. Until just over a year ago when they received a distress signal matching that of a Class-A Pharmwellian Satellite Cruiser just outside of Earth’s Atmosphere, the same type of craft taken from the Queen’s Royal Armada 30 years prior. Every few years they would catch a glimmer of a ping on their radars, but now they had been certain. The Pigs triangulated the location of the Cruiser, and ran a bio-scan over the ship; the engines were clearly fried, and a Space Camaro was missing from the Pod Bay, their target was Earthbound. The aliens used the tracking signature from the other out of repair Camaro to locate their fugitive to a city in a landlocked country, where they broke through the atmosphere and began pursuit on their long awaited target. Sure enough they found the spare Camaro, and bio-scans indicated that their mark was indeed present as well as four other lifeforms of unknown DNA matches; their mission was to capture Daddy Cat alive, but all other casualties along the way were sanctioned by the Queen; as they grew nearer to the Camaro, the pigs primed their Acid Rays, ready to subdue anyone who resisted, but they had to wait until they were within range; while they could have ended the chase now by firing on the chase vehicle with their plasma cannons, they needed the prisoner unharmed. So the pigs played their game of Cat and Mouse from the air, following just close enough to make their presence known until the time of attack would arrive. “The Queen will be pleased.” One pig squealed to the other in a stranger guttural voice, followed by raucous laughter and squeals. |
Part 7:
“Piggly Wiggly?” DC said in disbelief. “Our showdown with drug slinging Space Pigs is in a Piggly Wiggly?” Dingo shrugged, “Ironic I know, but it’s the closest grocery store that the GPS could find.” “Hey as long as they got bun, I don’t care if it’s a doctor’s office.” Scufflemöss was the first out of the Camaro and happily trotted to the door. “Going to get bun, going to get bun, bun ba bun ba bun ba bun bun bun bun!” His walk turned into a sprint for the door. The clock in the Camaro read 7AM, just about that time the store would be opening, “At least we don’t have to break in.” Flurpis commented. Once inside the store, Wüden Boi was met with strange glares by the staff and few patrons who had come for some early morning shopping, Dingo being the only human looking person in the group approached a floor manager, “Hey, I know how this looks. But we’re not here to rob you.” Dingo held his hands open and visible, showing that he was unarmed. “However,...” Scufflemöss cut Dingo off, “We are here because we are saving the world from a national threat! We need to use your store to fight off evil Space Pigs! Now, which aisle is the bun on?” Dingo shot a side glanced at the Troll with his mouth partially open, and continued. “HOWEVER... we need to use your store for about a half hour, so if your staff could go take an early lunch or something, we will be out of your hair.” The manager looked both of them over and glanced at the other 3 behind them, and burst into laughter. “Unless you’re here to shop, get out of my store.” He turned away from them and went back to his clipboard,“and hamburger buns are on aisle 3.” He pointed into the store. Scufflemöss took off in the direction the manager pointed skipping happily, “Going to get bun, going to get bun...” Dingo rejoined the group, “We will just have to do this with witnesses.” “More eyes on us.” Flurpis chuckled. “But that’s not a good thing, with your country having Area 51, and me being an alien and all.” DC replied. “We need to split up.” Dingo said, “DC you’re with Scuffles. We’ll take frozen foods.” |
Part 8:
DC had to speed walk through the aisles of the Piggly Wiggly that Wüden Boi had found themselves defending against extra-terrestrial Pigs, he needed to reunite with Scufflemöss who ran off into the store to find his favorite snack; however in DC’s mind, time was running short. The manager mentioned aisle 3 had hamburger buns, but even for a small grocery in the country, this Piggly Wiggly was bigger than it looked. He kept his ears pricked for the Troll’s voice, but also at the front door of the store; once the door was opened again a hunt would begin. DC had dealt with the Space Pigs before, they were The Queen’s enforcers from back home on Pharmwellia and their methods of capture were unorthodox; but more importantly, they were out of their jurisdiction and didn’t have to follow any rules or laws. DC found aisle 3 and turned the corner to see Scufflemöss standing mid aisle contemplating which variant of Bun he was going to feast on; DC sprinted at the Troll and grabbed him by the edge of his battle jacket, pulling him down to the opposite end of the aisle, Scufflemöss yelped, “But... BUN!” Once on the other end of aisle 3, DC pushed the Troll against an end cap stacked with chips. “It’s time to get serious, Scufflemöss. These guys won’t mess around. They’re here to take me, but they won’t hesitate to kill if they feel like it.” DC said looking the Troll in the eye. “Yeah okay, but bun is life. We have been going all night since we left Nashville, Troll needs a snack.” Scufflemöss tried reasoning and pulled away to go back down aisle 3. “Just one bag.” Scufflemöss dashed back to his position between the sourdough and pretzel buns. Then DC’s ears twitched, the front door had opened and two pairs of boots scrapped against the linoleum floor, the Manager began shouting “THEY HAVE GUNS, EVERYONE DOWN!!” Flashes of green light and zapping noises followed, and then silence. A cold chill washed over DC, and he sprinted at the Troll again, this time he grabbed a bag of sourdough buns. “Let’s go.” He urged. The sounds of boots echoed across the vaulted ceiling, they split off in separate directions, one coming towards aisle 3... |
Part 9:
“Okay, now try to look appetizing, like a chicken or a turkey.” Dingo took a step back and observed his trap from outside of the meat freezer in the rear of the Piggly Wiggly. “This floor, it is very cold, it is making beak to chatter.” Zopi remarked from where he was laying on the icy freezer floor. “Why do I have to be bait?” “Yeah, this plan is kinda shitty.” Flurpis complained, “How are we supposed to catch an alien pig in a freezer.” “Trust me,” Dingo reassured, “this will work. I beat the Vinebeast last time didn’t I? Now, let’s get into position. Do you remember your lines Zopi?” “Oh, please Mr. Space Pig, do not melt my brain with alien gun.” Zopi rolled his eyes. “Still do not know why I am poultry to you.” “Shhh, I hear something.” Dingo hid Inside the freezer just out of sight and Flurpis jumped behind the door outside. Sure enough, boot steps came echoing through the meat department, but Zopi was the first to see the Pharmwellian Space Pig as he walked to the open freezer door. Zopi flapped his arms and pretended to be stuck on the floor, “Oh no, Mr. Pig. It appears you have found Zopi. What you do now?!” The Alien stepped into the freezer and his gun whirred to life, glowing bright green, he chuckled and grunted with delight at his victim; but just as he rose his Acid Ray to his shoulder, he was hit in the head by something cold and hard, forcing him to drop his weapon and stumble to the ground. “Go, Now!” Dingo shouted, Zopi jumped to his feet and bolted for the door only slipping once on a patch of ice. Dingo reprised his attack with a large ham hock against the side of the Pig’s head, then kicked the gun outside the freezer door. “Pig, meet pig meat.” Dingo dropped the hock and ran for the open door. “Flurpis, now!” The door slammed shut and locked with a click; with Zopi, Dingo, and Flurpis safely on the outside. Zopi turned a dial beside the door cranking the freezer temperature down below freezing with the Space Pig trapped inside. “You need to chill out!” Zopi punned, pleased with himself. “N-ice meeting you, don’t be so cold next time.” Flurpis laughed and pointed at the pig just beyond the window. “Hahaha, ice puns.” |
Part 10:
“You’re gonna need to stop crinkling that bag, Scufflemöss. The Pig will find us. We’ve only got one shot to do this right or we’re both dead.” Daddy Cat scolded. “Oh... sorry Fruend, I really needed to eat bun, mein tummy was rumbling.” Scufflemöss said, sheepishly tucking the bag of buns into his jacket. “Remember the plan?” DC handed the Troll a small cylindrical handle with a red button on top. “Yeas,” Scufflemöss wiped crumbs from his mouth. “When the pig steps on the red tile, I press the red button, und cover mein eyes. Then we get more Bun.” “Good.” DC patted Scuffles on the shoulder. “I’ll get into position. Don’t forget the signal.” Scufflemöss looked at the button nervously and whimpered at DC. “What was the signal again?” DC leaned against the milk refrigerator door, with his back turned to a faintly glowing red tile a few yards behind him. Then he shouted, “This little Pig, went to market!” Dc heard a grunt a few aisles down behind him, followed by foot steps headed in his direction. “This little Pig stayed home!” A squeal rang out and the speed of the footfalls increased in speed. “This little Pig had tuna tacos!” The Pharmwellian Police Pig rounded the end cap on the aisle and charged at DC, cocking and shouldering his laser rifle ready to fire. “This little Pig had none!” The Pig, just yards away from DC, stepped directly on the red tile; Scufflemöss yelped in the aisle beside to the tile, and clicked the button DC gave him. The floor beneath the Pig buzzed loudly and glowed brightly, then neon green beams erupted upwards through the ceiling, enveloping the Pharmwellian Police Pig in a dazzling laser show of blinding light. Within seconds the light faded and the Pig was gone, only a pile of ash remained on the red tile, and a gaping hole in the ceiling of the Piggly Wiggly showing the morning sky above. DC turned too look at the pile of ash where his pursuer had been, he walked over to the tile and knelt. He grinned, “This little Pig cried ‘Wee Wee Wee’, all the way home.” |
Part 11: Wüden regrouped at Daddy Cat’s Space Camaro after their bouts with the Pharmwellian Police, finally the threat of intergalactic, drug pushing Pigs was over. After a short Catnip break and recounting their encounters, they piled back into the Space Camaro and were left with another question. What now? They had formed Wüden Boi to banish the Evil Loa Spirit, but their failed attempt at the Exit/In meant they had to find another way. Whatever magick was used to summon the spirit in the first place either wasn’t the same, or was not powerful enough the second time around. “I know a guy...” Dingo started, “He and I go way back, a Wizard. Goes by McDougall, he was researching the Energy Wells in Nashville the last time we talked.” Dingo ran his hand over his hair. “But that was years ago.” “A Wizard huh? Scufflemöss have known a few wizards over the years, but usually they prefer to make Doritos und Mountain Dew disappear.” Scufflemöss said. “The Dew gives them power?” Zopi questioned. “No,” Scufflemöss stammered, “their virginity does.” “No, Scufflemöss, like a real Wizard. Like he will conjure a fireball, kinda Wizard.” Dingo explained, “His magick is different than what I use. He draws power from Leylines, apparently the Leylines were shifting and Nashville was starting to draw energy from it. He had a house in the Donelson area, we could probably get his advice on how to banish the Loa from him.” “Alright, guess we have our heading.” DC was tapping on the screen in his dashboard. “Back the way we came.” DC said sarcastically. After an hour of driving East from the Piggly Wiggly, Wüden found themselves back in the Nashville City limits, however the humid, summer heat got the better of DC’s nuclear thermostat and the Space Camaro began to overheat. Wüden Boi was stranded again, but this time on 49th Avenue off of Charlotte Avenue; They didn’t have a choice now, they had to wait for the Camaro to cool down before continuing their journey. Luckily for the group, their ride had broken down in front of the local watering hole, Betty’s Grill; to escape the Nashville heat they ducked into the Dive Bar for a cold drink. |